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Sexual Assault

What is sexual assault?

Sexual assault (also called sexual violence or abuse) is any type of sexual activity or contact that you do not consent to. Sexual assault can happen through physical force or threats of force or if the attacker gave the victim drugs or alcohol as part of the assault.Sexual assault includes rape and sexual coercion. If you have been sexually assaulted, it is not your fault, regardless of the circumstances.

 

What does sexual assault include?

  • Any type of sexual contact with someone who cannot consent, such as someone who is underage, has an intellectual disability, or is passed out (such as from drugs or alcohol) or unable to respond (such as from sleeping)
  • Any type of sexual contact with someone who does not consent
  • Rape
  • Attempted rape
  • Sexual coercion
  • Sexual contact with a child
  • Fondling or unwanted touching above or under clothes
  • Sexual assault can also be verbal, visual, or non-contact. It is anything that forces a person to join in unwanted sexual activities or attention. Other examples can include:
    • Voyeurism, or peeping (when someone watches private sexual acts without consent)
    • Exhibitionism (when someone exposes himself or herself in public)
    • Sexual harassment or threats
    • Forcing someone to pose for sexual pictures
    • Sending someone unwanted texts or “sexts” (texting sexual photos or messages)

 

 Consent

What does “consent” mean?

Consent is a clear “yes” to sexual activity. Not saying “no” does not mean you have given consent. Sexual contact without consent is sexual assault or rape.

Your consent means:

  • You know and understand what is going on (you are not unconscious, blacked out, asleep, underage, or have an intellectual disability)
  • You know what you want to do
  • You are able to say what you want to do or don’t want to do
  • You are aware that you are giving consent (and are not impaired by alcohol or drugs)

 

Sometimes you cannot give legal consent to sexual activity or contact. For example, if you are:

  • Threatened, forced, coerced, or manipulated into agreeing
  • Not physically able to (you are drunk, high, drugged, passed out, or asleep)
  • Not mentally able to (due to illness or disability)
  • Under the age of legal consent, which varies by state

 

Consent is an ongoing process, not a one-time question. If you consent to sexual activity, you can change your mind and choose to stop at any time, even after sexual activity has started.

Past consent does not mean future consent. Giving consent in the past to sexual activity does not mean your past consent applies now or in the future. Saying “yes” to a sexual activity is not consent for all types of sexual activity. If you consent to sexual activity, it is only for types of sexual activities that you are comfortable with at that time with that partner. For example, giving consent for kissing does not mean you are giving consent for someone to remove your clothes.

 

What is NOT considered consent in sexual activity?

  • Silence. Just because someone does not say “no” doesn’t mean she is saying “yes.”
  • Sexy clothing, dancing, or flirting. What a woman or girl wears or how she behaves does not show consent for sexual activity. Only a verbal “yes” means “yes” to sexual activity.
  • Having consented before. Just because someone said “yes” in the past does not mean she is saying “yes” now. Consent must be part of every sexual activity, every time.
  • Being in a relationship. Being married, dating, or having sexual contact with someone before does not mean that there is consent now.
  • Being drunk or high. Read more about alcohol, drugs, and sexual assault.
  • Not fighting back. Not putting up a physical fight does not mean that there is consent.

 

What steps can I take to be safer in social situations?

If you are assaulted, or if you find yourself in a situation that feels unsafe, it is not your fault. Sexual assault is never the victim’s fault, no matter what she was wearing, drinking, or doing at the time of the assault. You can’t prevent sexual assault, but you can take steps to be safer around others:

  • Go to parties or gatherings with friends. Arrive together, check in with each other, and leave together. Talk about your plans for the evening so that everyone knows what to expect
  • Meet first dates or new people in a public place.
  • Listen to your instincts or “gut feelings.” Many women who are sexually assaulted know the abuser. If you find yourself alone with someone you don’t trust, leave. Don’t worry about hurting someone’s feelings or being disliked. If you feel uncomfortable in any situation for any reason, leave. If the person is preventing you from leaving, try to get someone else’s attention who can help you get to safety. You are the only person who gets to say whether you feel safe
  • Look out for your friends, and ask them to look out for you. You can play a powerful role in preventing sexual assault of other people. If a friend seems out of it, seems much too drunk for the amount of alcohol she drank, is acting out of character, or seems too drunk to stay safe in general, get her to a safe place. Ask your friends to do the same for you
  • Have a code word with your family and friends that means “Come get me; I need help” or “Call me with a fake emergency”. Call or text them and use the code word to let them know you need help
  • Download an app on your phone. Search in your phone’s app store for free women’s safety apps you can download and use if you feel unsafe or are threatened.
  • Be aware of how much you drink. Research shows that about half of sexual assault victims had been drinking when the attack happened. Drinking alcohol does not make the attack your fault, but alcohol and drugs can make it more likely that you will be drunk or high later on. If you are drunk or high, you cannot consent to sexual activity or you may not understand what is happening
  • Keep control of your own drink, because someone could add alcohol or date rape drugs to it
  • Get help or leave right away if you feel drunk and haven’t drunk any alcohol or if the effects of alcohol feel stronger than usual. This can happen if someone put a date rape drug or any kind of drug into your drink. Many drugs have no smell or taste and can cause you to pass out and not remember what happened
  • Be aware of your surroundings. If you’re walking alone, don’t wear headphones so you can hear what’s happening around you. Also, as much as you can, stay in busy, well-lit areas, especially at night
  • Have a plan to get home. If you plan to use a ride share service from an app, make sure your phone is charged or bring a charger. It can help to have a credit card or cash on hand if you need to leave quickly

 

Sexual Assault Effects

Sexual assault can have long-term health effects. People who have experienced sexual violence or stalking by any person or physical violence by an intimate partner are more likely to report:

  • Headaches
  • Long-term pain
  • Trouble sleeping
  • Poor physical and mental health
  • Asthma
  • Irritable bowel syndrome

 

Other health effects can include:

  • Severe anxiety, stress, or fear
  • Abuse of alcohol or drugs
  • Depression
  • Eating disorders
  • Sexually transmitted infections 
  • Pregnancy
  • Self-injury or suicide

 

Getting support after a sexual assault can help. You are not alone. Reach out to friends or family, talk to a counselor or advocate, or join a support group in person or online.